Duke AreLeaf

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Can u do me a favor? Please listen to what I'm about to say.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

lost

i've put a smile,
so that nobody see me frown.
i laughed,
so that nobody hear me sob.
i wink my eyes,
so that nobody see my tears.
i always get up,
so that nobody knows im down.
i make myself busy,
so that nobody know i feel lonely.
i always seems happy,
so that nobody know im miserable.
i took long shower,
so that nobody see me cry.
i put on loud music,
so that nobody hear me scream.
i dance to silly songs,
so that i can cheer my self up.
i constantly let myself down,
so that i can pull someone up.
i keep quiet,
so that i can listen to others.

i hang out with my friends,
coz i think they'll going to leave me someday.
i buy things that i like,
coz im afraid i wont have the chance again someday.
i spend time with my family,
coz i dont want to lose them someday.
im happy with my friends,
coz i dont want them to be sad.
i tell lies sometimes,
coz i feel ashamed of my life.
i keep my problems,
coz i dont want to burden anyone.
i hide my sadness,
coz i dont want anyone to feel sorry.
i laugh,
coz im afraid.
i hate being in a relationship,
coz im afraid i will somehow hurt them.

im just a regular person.
trying to fit in this world.


it is more or less a true story about me. im not saying that im a good person to begin with. its just something that i wanted to shout out of my lungs for a very long time. im surely not expecting everyone to be like this. its an agony to be like that. but somehow, its the reason that i keep on living my life.

but sometimes, i feel abandoned. although i have lots of friend, i feel lonely. although i have a family that love me, i feel like im all alone. i feel like im worthless. i feel like i dont deserve anything from anyone. i feel like im an outcast. i feel like i keep on failing. i feel unappreciated. i feel like nobody cares about me, whether im dead or alive, im sad or happy. sometimes i wonder, what will everyone feel when im dead or when im no longer near them. will they miss me, or they will not even notice anything.

i may seems like im always happy type of guy, but there's time when im sad. some people may say that im soulless, but i still have feelings. i just dont like to show them out. it hurts when people just seems like they dont care about you as much as you care about them. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts.




i feel USELESS!!











Duke's piece

4 comments:

Insomniac. said...

I feel the exact same thing as you do sometimes. Relax la. Chill dude. You got me. hee

HaikaL ZaHaRi said...

chill chill :)

Duke Archibald said...

thanks m!!
huhu
n thanks encik stoken jugak..
hahhaa

fauzan.my said...

I would suggest you to sit down and think what are the goals in your life. Once you have discovered them, you will be more determined to live your life the way you should.

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